wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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