Jerry, you need to find god
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
