Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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