He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well you can't waste a boner
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
