do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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