How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
