oh god the rape fog is back!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
