I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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