An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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