i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
