the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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