he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
