I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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