Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
