dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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