did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
