I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
