I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
