Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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