he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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