I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
