would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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