well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
