new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
