you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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