I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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