I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mom said you looked used
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize