Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
