4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
