Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
