Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
