Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
