GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just puked most of my soul out..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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