my vag is so smooth its legendary
Say something about gay babies.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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