I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
