Soap is not a condiment
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
