I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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