I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
