i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
