I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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