Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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