You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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