ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
