sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
