She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
