You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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