every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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