Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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