Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
