so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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