I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
