I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize