it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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