I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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