My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
