What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
