i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
