i wish starbucks made bloody marys
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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