im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
