dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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